My cat gives me a boner
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
