ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
