Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
