is your mom at the bar?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
