note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
