I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
