i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
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He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
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I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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