Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
well you can't waste a boner
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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