you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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