so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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