So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Naked Twister starts at high noon
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Randomize
