I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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