I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
