It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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