yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
