I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
