Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
