Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
