he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
