If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
