I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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