Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
