why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
