Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
