Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Randomize
