I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
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