Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Ketchup is God's man juice
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
