well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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