Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
