There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
