I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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