would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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