I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
