everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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