all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
