In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
soo... how was my night?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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