Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
