He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
