Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
