Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
