just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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