he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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