peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize