that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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