I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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