If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
