We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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