i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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