my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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