It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Hippo gnu deer
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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