I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
