haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
