im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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