I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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