I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
