She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
