Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
