I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
