I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
