I cannot find my penis.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Blood and glitter go together right?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
