i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
