So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
