question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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