I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
