And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
