I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
