The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
