Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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