Im at strip club and am horny
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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