I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
