Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
