OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
