Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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